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Posted (edited)

So I wake up one Sunny Sunday and think "it's Fluids change day" wooohoo

At the time I was working on my Green Sportyroof up on the jack stands. I get my fat ass into my overalls, and plastic protective gloves, drag out my tools and, with a bowl located underneath, immediately wrench away at the FMX’s cute little blue pan. :wrench:
My hand slipped due to grease  – the pan was no longer level – fluid ran down my arm and I get a cupful in my mouth, along with a cherry colored face wash. …so much for wearing gloves.
Then  like a wine connoisseur I pronounced “…. Yes, a very cheeky vintage, I’m definitely getting hint of Chateau de well worn Torque Converter”… :thumb:
Aged type F is an interesting flavour – though I really don’t recommend it.

After I had gargled my FMX type F – I decided to clean myself up and swallow a couple of pints of water to dilute what little had gone into me.

Later that day – fully cleaned up, I now do my Chef impersonation in the kitchen making things with fresh chillies cooking for wife and kiddie

So I’m as happy as Larry, cutting away Onions, Celery, Fresh ginger – then the Chillies. Then on one cut, one real juicy chilli squirts out some of its venom. Why, in the name of blue f**k, when juice comes out of anything in the kitchen, it knows exactly to within 100µm where your eye is?

I’m now breakdancing in the kitchen with a VERY sharp knife.:biggrin:

Edited by 1sostatic
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Enjoy's searching out 71-73 history

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Posted (edited)

I was stationed at Camp Evans in Vietnam.  The terrain of the base was hilly and our company sat in a low area with the base perimeter next to it. Our latrine sat down at the bottom of a slope at the lowest part of our company area and right next to the base perimeter.  Our latrines were not the best smelling during the hot summer. 

I had to go take care of business one night and was on my way to the latrine when I ran into some tear gas that someone had decided to set off while on guard duty out  on the perimeter.   One thing you have to remember is that the army is made up of young men between the ages of 18 to early 20's who still like to be boys from time to time.  

Needing to go but unable to continue on due to my eyes tearing up and my nose running I went back to my hooch to got my gas mask so I could go back to the latrine and take care of the much needed business.  Ahhh - mission accomplished!    

As I headed back up the slope to my hooch with my mask on yet I  ran in to our company's Master Sergeant who was coming down.   Seeing me with my mask on he stopped dead in his tracks and said if the latrine smell that dam bad he would find another place to go.  Before I could say anything he headed off in another direction.   Don't know where he went that night but hope he just needed to whiz.  :biggrin:

Edited by Kilgon
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Kilgon

 

 

"The only dumb question is the one not asked"

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Posted (edited)

 

I was dropping off several wiring harnesses to a guy to have them refurbished.

At that time he lived in a warm south east part of the county and what I thought was odd.

He had a fireplace in every room, who the heck has a fireplace in every room including the bathroom.

 

Edited by OMS
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2 hours ago, OMS said:

 

I was dropping off several wiring harnesses to a guy to have them refurbished.

At that time he lived in a warm south east part of the county and what I thought was odd.

He had a fireplace in every room, who the heck has a fireplace in every room including the bathroom.

 

Midlife? :whistling:

Kilgon

 

 

"The only dumb question is the one not asked"

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Don never delivered wiring to me in person (the correctional facility director wouldn't let him past the front door). 

No fireplace for me in Florida, although I used a wood burning stove exclusively for heat from 1980 to 2000 in Oregon and Virginia.  Definitely the most comfortable heat there is.

Let me check your shorts!

http://midlifeharness.com

cactus.jpg.92e5d9d8700abc0ed60c8ccb3426248e.jpg

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

An eighty-year-old rancher was about to marry a young girl of twenty-one. His trusted friend and adviser, the local banker, had serious doubts as to how long an old man would be able to satisfy such a young bride and feared for his friend’s happiness. So, for the sake of matrimonial harmony, he advised the old man to bring in a hired hand to help around the ranch, knowing full well that the hired hand would probably help out in the bedroom, too, behind the old man’s back. The rancher thought it was a great idea.
Four months later, the banker called on his friend. ‘How’s your new wife?’ he asked.
‘She’s pregnant,’ replied the old man.
The banker smiled knowingly. ‘And how’s the hired hand?’
‘Oh, she’s pregnant, too!’

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Let me check your shorts!

http://midlifeharness.com

cactus.jpg.92e5d9d8700abc0ed60c8ccb3426248e.jpg

 

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My wife's uncle came back from church with two black eyes. Of course everybody wanted to know how he got them. Here is his story. "I was minding my own business when we were all asked to rise. It was then that I noticed the lady if front of me with her dress tucked into her bum cheeks. It looked mighty uncomfortable and being as we were in church I thought it would be right good of me to pull it out for her. Apparently not as she turned around, gave me a quick dirty look and clocked me right in the eye!" Somebody added, "that explains one of the black eyes. What about the other?" Uncle scratched his chin and added "I figured I upset her pulling her skirt out of her crack. So thinking she wanted it there, I pushed it back in ."  Black eye number two!

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  • 2 weeks later...

This is a true one happened to me.
When I took my job at Spartanburg Steel Products, Inc. they had included a months free stay in motel in Spartanburg. So I did it. Would come in each afternoon and it being warm weather they had a happy hour outside. I had made friends with a guy doing business in the area and we had drinks each afternoon.
Se we are sitting outside and this huge tour bus pulls up with U.S Calendar Girls down the side and like a flag waving.

The door opens and all these gorgeous scantly clad gals get off. Tank tops, no bra, Daisy Dukes, wow wow. They come over to the bar and order drinks and tell us that they are a traveling strip show doing a show at a local pool and dance hall. They get their drinks and head inside to check in their rooms.

Well happy hour is over so me and my friend go inside to the bar. A guy comes in and sits down and he is from Sweden I think he was, there for some BMW stuff.

Here come the gals back down with really hot outfits on now barely clad. The leader of the group comes over and sits in my lap and asks me, "You want to ride with us on the bus to the show". I told her no that I would get in trouble for sure. They go get on the bus and the foreign guy says who was that? We tell him they are strippers. He gets all excited when we tell him they take ALL their clothes off. He begs us to take him to the show and he will pay our way. So we finish our drinks and go like 1/2 mile to the place. I get $5.00 out and put in my pocket. As soon as we come in the door the leader of the group comes bouncing over, no top, and G string on, and gives me a hug and thanks us for coming. I whisper in her ear that the guy is from Sweden to show him how it is done in the U.S.A.. I put the $5.00 in her G string.

She gets the guy by the arm leads him out on the dance floor. Gets a chair and sits him down. Of course there is music playing and she gives him a lap dance and then stands up and bends over and pulls her G string off. She steps off a distance from him then starts doing back flips and ends up with her crotch right in his face in a hand stand. We all laughed until we cried and the Swedish guy could not quit smiling.

Then the movie Dumb and Dumber comes out and they turn down a ride on tour bus with a load of strippers. I do not know who told them about my experience but they copied it, lol.

Wish I could go back and say yes.

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When a man is in the woods and talks and no women are there is he still wrong??:P

David

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Patience.jpg

 

 

“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.”

--Albert Einstein

 

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For any of you that have had to deal with contractors, you'll appreciate this one

 

Boat & Dingy 3.jpg

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“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.”

--Albert Einstein

 

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Yep, they is how they paid for the boat. Chuck

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true story, not a week old.

If you're having a leaking rear end and problems with brakes to solve, at some point you need to bleed the brakes system again (just celebrated the 5th time in a month last weekend)

I usually ask my wife to pump the pedal while I go thru the 4 nippels while keeping an eye on the level after each one.

Last weekend, it was pumping time again. So while me laying under the car, she was behind the steering wheel talking with our neighbour's wife thru the open window....

me: Pump please...[ noises of pumping ]
a few secs pass...
me: Dang it, I must have a leak somewhere or mc is dead, nothing comes out
me: Pump faster, deeper please [ faster pumping noise ]
me: You can stop

no change, no fluid coming out thru the connected hose. Stood up and went at the mc check the level. 
me: I don't understand what's going on, nothing happen, level is unchanged.. what on earth is going on?!
neighbour's wife: I see this thing moving back and forth when she pumps, pointing at the accelerator linkage...

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73 modified Grande 351C. (Finally back on the road woohoo!) 

71 429CJ. ( In progress )

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Between all the "nipple and pumping deeper and harder references" I thought you were talking about something else. Too funny! The accelerator instead of the brake pedal was also funny. Translations often result in humorous outcomes. Well done Fabrice. Chuck

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1 hour ago, midlife said:

As I live now in Tucson, AZ, this picture/meme is very true!

May be an image of text that says 'Water Water You May Be From Arizona If You Understand This.'

Having lived in Las Vegas it's completely understandable.

 

 

“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.”

--Albert Einstein

 

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This one is for Trevynd

 

Drinking-Fishing Villiage.jpg

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“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.”

--Albert Einstein

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

flasher.gif

 

 

“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.”

--Albert Einstein

 

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  • 4 months later...

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