A Little Engineer Humor


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Sep 13, 2010
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Understanding Engineers # 1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said,

"Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


Understanding Engineers #2:

To the optimist, the glass is half-full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers #3:

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


Understanding Engineers #4:

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers #5:

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


Understanding Engineers #6:

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


Understanding Engineers #7:

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


Understanding Engineers #8:

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."



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Jul 8, 2010
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Coastal Alabama
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Numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, & 8 are all accurate in presenting how an engineer thinks, ignore the rest of them tho.

Jul 15, 2010
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72 mustang fastback,{mine} 74 Chevy Nova {girlfriends car}
2001 Sunfire that is falling apart haha.
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.

While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper,

"I'll have an AutoCAD monkey please." The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a

cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and

leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be $5000." The customer

paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very

expensive monkey. Most of them are only few hundred dollars. Why did that

one cost so much?" The Shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can draw in

AutoCAD - very fast, clear layouts, no mistakes, well worth the money."

The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more

expensive! $10,000! What does it do?"

"Oh, that one's a Design monkey; it can design systems, layout projects,

mark-up drawings, write specifications, some even calculate. All the really

useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in its

own cage. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the

shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on

earth does it do?"

The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but

it says it's a Welding Inspector.

Nov 5, 2010
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Flint - Michigan
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1973 Mustang Mach 1 - Q-code auto - Medium Bright Yellow
Okay, so I took every math class I could in high school, then four years of college, full of math, physics, statistics, dynamics, yada yada yada. Then you take an 8 hour exam that tests your skills at remembering what you learned in your first two years at college. That is if you didn't drop out and try to get back in several years later.

Pass that test the first time and you are labeled an EIT - engineer in training. Work for four years under a PE (professional engineer) and you get to take another 8 hour test. Pass that one the first time and you get to put PE after your name. However, in this day and age, you're now going to need a MS degree. You're working during the day, and now with your family at home, you take off for three nights a week to get the two year Masters degree. Ahh but that's still not enough. You are now trying to move up in the organization and you're getting passed up by younger kids that have a MBA or MPA. So back to school I go with the professor and everyone else in the class at least 20 years younger.

Do all this and you are now qualified to never look at a bridge, road, car, whatever the same again. You are constantly looking for why someone allowed something like that to get built when you could have done it better.

Eventually you get tired at shaking your head and you become what we call in the field..... a recovering engineer. The twitches tend to stop now and then but never seem to go away... LOL.

By the time I got out of college I had ATDS.. Attention to Detail Syndrome.... now I'm so tired of having so much stuff in my head that I've developed ADOS.... Attention Deficit.... Ooooh Shinny disease.

Yea.... I have the knack. Check out this link...