The Deer Hunt

[Don C]

THE DEER HUNT

SATURDAY

1:00 am Alarm clock rings

2:00 am Hunting partner arrives, drags you out of bed

2:30 am Throw everything except the kitchen sink into the pickup

3:00 am Leave for the deep woods

3:15 am Drive back home and pick up gun

3:30 am Drive like hell to get to the woods to arrive before daylight

4:00 am Start setting up camp, forgot damned tent

4:30 am Head into woods

6:05 am See eight deer

6:06 am Take aim and squeeze trigger

6:07 am "CLICK"

6:08 am Load gun while watching deer run over hill

8:00 am Head back to camp

9:00 am Still looking for camp

10:00 am Finally realize you don't know where camp is

12 noon Fire gun for help, eat wild berries

12:15 pm Ran our of bullets, eight deer come back

12:20 pm Feeling strange in stomach

12:30 pm Realize you ate poison berries

12:45 pm Rescued

12:55 pm Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped

2:00 pm Arrive back in camp

3:30 pm Leave camp to kill deer

4:00 pm Return to camp for bullets

4:01 pm Leave camp again

5:00 pm Empty gun on squirrel that's been bugging you

6:00 pm Arrive at camp, see deer grazing in camp

6:01 pm Load gun

6:02 pm Fire gun

6:03 pm One dead pickup truck

6:05 pm Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer

6:06 pm Repress strong urge to shoot partner

6:07 pm Fall into fire

6:10 pm Change clothes, throw burned clothes into fire

6:15 pm Take pickup, leave partner and his deer in the woods

6:25 pm Pickup boils over, hole shot in block

6:26 pm Start walking

6:30 pm Stumble and fall, drop gun in the mud

6:35 pm Meet bear

6:36 pm Take aim

6:37 pm Fire gun, barrel blows up, plugged with mud

6:38 pm Crapped pants

6:39 pm Climb tree

9:00 pm Bear departs, wrap @#!% gun around tree

Midnight Home at last

SUNDAY

Watch football game on TV, slowly tearing hunting license into little pieces, place in envelope, and mail it to the Game Warden with clear instructions as to where to put it.

 

[c9zx]

THE DEER HUNT

SATURDAY

1:00 am Alarm clock rings

2:00 am Hunting partner arrives, drags you out of bed

2:30 am Throw everything except the kitchen sink into the pickup

3:00 am Leave for the deep woods

3:15 am Drive back home and pick up gun

3:30 am Drive like hell to get to the woods to arrive before daylight

4:00 am Start setting up camp, forgot damned tent

4:30 am Head into woods

6:05 am See eight deer

6:06 am Take aim and squeeze trigger

6:07 am "CLICK"

6:08 am Load gun while watching deer run over hill

8:00 am Head back to camp

9:00 am Still looking for camp

10:00 am Finally realize you don't know where camp is

12 noon Fire gun for help, eat wild berries

12:15 pm Ran our of bullets, eight deer come back

12:20 pm Feeling strange in stomach

12:30 pm Realize you ate poison berries

12:45 pm Rescued

12:55 pm Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped

2:00 pm Arrive back in camp

3:30 pm Leave camp to kill deer

4:00 pm Return to camp for bullets

4:01 pm Leave camp again

5:00 pm Empty gun on squirrel that's been bugging you

6:00 pm Arrive at camp, see deer grazing in camp

6:01 pm Load gun

6:02 pm Fire gun

6:03 pm One dead pickup truck

6:05 pm Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer

6:06 pm Repress strong urge to shoot partner

6:07 pm Fall into fire

6:10 pm Change clothes, throw burned clothes into fire

6:15 pm Take pickup, leave partner and his deer in the woods

6:25 pm Pickup boils over, hole shot in block

6:26 pm Start walking

6:30 pm Stumble and fall, drop gun in the mud

6:35 pm Meet bear

6:36 pm Take aim

6:37 pm Fire gun, barrel blows up, plugged with mud

6:38 pm Crapped pants

6:39 pm Climb tree

9:00 pm Bear departs, wrap @#!% gun around tree

Midnight Home at last

SUNDAY

Watch football game on TV, slowly tearing hunting license into little pieces, place in envelope, and mail it to the Game Warden with clear instructions as to where to put it.

Too funny! The level of detail makes me ask, have you been there and done that? Chuck

 

[Don C]

No, but one of my bosses could have written it. He went on a two week back-country hunt every year, none of which were uneventful. One year he lost his pack-horse down a cliff and into a stream. The Forest Service charged him $500 to dispose of it, so it wouldn't pollute the stream, by using a few sticks of dynamite. Another time he got cornered in a cave by a bear, and only had 3 bullets with him. He had followed the bear's tracks into the cave. He did manage to shoot his truck one year, but didn't "kill" it. I was always surprised when he made it back to work every year.