Things that haunt me.................

[Tnfastbk]

IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH A PROSTITUTE AGAINST HER WILL, IS IT CONSIDERED RAPE OR SHOPLIFTING?

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CAN YOU CRY UNDER WATER?

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HOW IMPORTANT DOES A PERSON HAVE TO BE BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED ASSASSINATED INSTEAD OF JUST MURDERED?

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WHY DO YOU HAVE TO "PUT YOUR TWO CENTS IN"... BUT IT'S ONLY A "PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS"? WHERE'S THAT EXTRA PENNY GOING TO?

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ONCE YOU'RE IN HEAVEN, DO YOU GET STUCK WEARING THE CLOTHES YOU WERE BURIED IN FOR ETERNITY?

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WHY DOES A ROUND PIZZA COME IN A SQUARE BOX ?

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WHAT DISEASE DID CURED HAM ACTUALLY HAVE?

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HOW IS IT THAT WE PUT MAN ON THE MOON BEFORE WE FIGURED OUT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO PUT WHEELS ON LUGGAGE?

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WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE SAY THEY "SLEPT LIKE A BABY " WHEN BABIES WAKE UP LIKE EVERY TWO HOURS?

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IF A DEAF PERSON HAS TO GO TO COURT, IS IT STILL CALLED A HEARING?

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WHY ARE YOU IN A MOVIE, BUT YOU'RE ON TV?

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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

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WHY DO DOCTORS LEAVE THE ROOM WHILE YOU CHANGE?

THEY'RE GOING TO SEE YOU NAKED ANYWAY.

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WHY IS "BRA" SINGULAR AND "PANTIES" PLURAL?

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WHY DO TOASTERS ALWAYS HAVE A SETTING THAT BURNS THE TOAST TO A HORRIBLE CRISP, WHICH NO DECENT HUMAN BEING WOULD EAT ?

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IF JIMMY CRACKS CORN AND NO ONE CARES, WHY IS THERE A STUPID SONG ABOUT HIM?

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CAN A HEARSE CARRYING A CORPSE DRIVE IN THE CARPOOL LANE ?

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IF THE PROFESSOR ON GILLIGAN'S ISLAND CAN MAKE A RADIO OUT OF A COCONUT, WHY CAN'T HE FIX A HOLE IN A BOAT?

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WHY DOES GOOFY STAND ERECT WHILE PLUTO REMAINS ON ALL FOURS?

THEY'RE BOTH DOGS!

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IF WILE E. COYOTE HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY ALL THAT ACME CRAP, WHY DIDN'T HE JUST BUY DINNER?

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IF CORN OIL IS MADE FROM CORN, AND VEGETABLE OIL IS MADE FROM VEGETABLES, WHAT IS BABY OIL MADE FROM?

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IF ELECTRICITY COMES FROM ELECTRONS, DOES MORALITY COME FROM MORONS?

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DO THE ALPHABET SONG AND TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR HAVE THE SAME TUNE?

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WHY DID YOU JUST TRY SINGING THE TWO SONGS ABOVE?

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WHY DO THEY CALL IT AN ASTEROID WHEN IT'S OUTSIDE THE HEMISPHERE, BUT CALL IT A HEMORRHOID WHEN IT'S IN YOUR BUTT?

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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

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[imusa76]

are any of these questions keeping you up at night?.. :rofl:

these are Great

 

[OpiemusRex]

I think we found Jack Handy......he's living in TN and has a radical Mustang that pulls too many G's thus sending him into deep thoughts due to oxygen deprivation..

Deep thoughts by Jack Handy,

One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me.

 

[adm22]

IF THE PROFESSOR ON GILLIGAN'S ISLAND CAN MAKE A RADIO OUT OF A COCONUT, WHY CAN'T HE FIX A HOLE IN A BOAT?

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Thats an easy one, if you were a guy and stranded on the island with Ginger and Mary Ann and Skipper and Gilligan were your only competition why would you want to leave?

 

[Tnfastbk]

Yes

 

[hyena429]

Funny...these crack me up..But i do got to say.

Professor did try to fix the hole in the boat...With glue and the boat fell apart..worse than ever..lol...And pizza box one is easy..Its cause square boxes are stronger and cheaper too make and waste less cardboard in making them...They stack better too

 

[marks73]

Roy! Do you ever sleep?

 

[caspianwendell]

I am really starting to worry about you Roy

 

[marks73]

I think we found Jack Handy......he's living in TN and has a radical Mustang that pulls too many G's thus sending him into deep thoughts due to oxygen deprivation..

Deep thoughts by Jack Handy,

One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me.

Just explain about the way water flows down a toilet CW here CCW south of it. Send him to find that place where it won't move!

 

[adm22]

I think we found Jack Handy......he's living in TN and has a radical Mustang that pulls too many G's thus sending him into deep thoughts due to oxygen deprivation..

Deep thoughts by Jack Handy,

One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me.

Just explain about the way water flows down a toilet CW here CCW south of it. Send him to find that place where it won't move!

outer space

 

[Wolverine]

HOW IMPORTANT DOES A PERSON HAVE TO BE BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED ASSASSINATED INSTEAD OF JUST MURDERED?

Hmmm. Perhaps I will let you guys be the judge of that.

And, oh my God....those are a couple of scary photos. Yikes.