USMC Humor

[Cleveland Crush]

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

 

[PoFoMoCo]

The main reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker and fight amongst themselves so much is that they don’t speak the same language.

For instance, take the simple order to “secure that building”.

The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

The Army will post guards around the building.

The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a new headquarters building.

OOORAH boys!

 

[rio1856]

Marine Corps Fighter Pilot

After his F-18 was hit by anti aircraft fire and he was forced to eject, the Marine Corps fighter pilot finally regained consciousness. He was in a hospital, in a lot of pain. He found himself in the ICU with tubes/I-Vs drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and a nurse hovering over him, looking very worried at his condition. It was obvious he was in a very dire life- threatening situation.

The concerned nurse gave him a serious look, she looked straight into his eyes. Knowing that he was not only a fighter pilot, but a U.S. Marine, she spoke to him softly and slowly, she was enunciating each word, she said to the Marine, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow through his wired jaw, the Marine managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your ****, then?"


And that, my friends, is a real positive attitude.

 

[DAverkamp]

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

The only thing missing in that joke is that he pulled out a blonde crayon from the pack in his chest pocket, started chewing it, and then fired for effect!

Follow Me. 4th ID!