Post your funny stories, jokes, cartoons, etc.

[PoFoMoCo]

Bad Santa

 

[Cleveland Crush]

Poor little Johnny wanted a Mustang model !!!

 

[Cleveland Crush]

Grandparents know best!!!

 

[PoFoMoCo]

 

[Cleveland Crush]

Buy made in USA

 

[Bill Kanode]

An eighty-year-old rancher was about to marry a young girl of twenty-one. His trusted friend and adviser, the local banker, had serious doubts as to how long an old man would be able to satisfy such a young bride and feared for his friend’s happiness. So, for the sake of matrimonial harmony, he advised the old man to bring in a hired hand to help around the ranch, knowing full well that the hired hand would probably help out in the bedroom, too, behind the old man’s back. The rancher thought it was a great idea.
Four months later, the banker called on his friend. ‘How’s your new wife?’ he asked.
‘She’s pregnant,’ replied the old man.
The banker smiled knowingly. ‘And how’s the hired hand?’
‘Oh, she’s pregnant, too!’

A newly Wed young farmer needed help so he went to town to the employment agency and told the person what he was there for. The agency had only a young helper and a old helper so the young farmer said he would hire the old man. The agency director said the young man would give the most work. The newly wed young farmer replied " I have an old tractor and a new wife and I don't want a thrown rod in either one of them.

 

[Cleveland Crush]

A Polar Bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for: "A rum------‐----‐----------------------‐-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------and Coke". The bartender responds: "What's with the pause?"
Polar Bear replies: "I was born with them!!!"

 

[midlife]

A Wyoming Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson, from Rock Springs, Wyoming. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
"Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my 'Johnson', so now, I'm, Just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.....